I got sick last week, due to my continued sleeping problems. That pretty much threw off everything I was doing. I had had a lot of momentum with all this witchy stuff, but lost it completely during the course of that cold.
Now I’m feeling better and slowly getting a handle on my sleeping issues, but in the meantime I’m struggling with exhaustion, burnout from summer classes, isolation, and a lurking fear that I’ll spend my life starting over and never develop any sort of real skill in anything. My garden is dying– I can’t even keep basil alive, apparently.
Just about the only upside to occur recently is that I’ve started spending more time with my tarot deck. Some people talk about their decks being “sassy” or having a personality, and it feels like mine really does. I’ve got a post in my drafts that I’ll finish later tonight about the first conversation I had with my deck.
Other than that, though, this malaise I’ve been wrestling with has made it very hard to feel comfortable practicing witchcraft. I have a lot of nagging doubts and discomforts, a lot of voices telling me this is silly and pointless and the people whose opinions I care about are going to think I’m ridiculous. This is, in itself, ridiculous, as everyone that matters has been nothing but supportive, but such is my brain.
So yeah, fighting through a lot of mental sludge to try and find some light right now.