I’m not much of a writer. My style mimics my speech and lacks a lot of the grace truly good writers can bring to the page. Like my body, it jerks and bends and rarely flows. I much prefer the energetic face-to-face chatter of a room full of people, but only if I feel truly welcome and able to jump in.
I learned early on that my best bets for securing that feeling of security had to be through the internet. There was enough space between you and the person you were speaking with that foibles of gesture and expression were more easily forgiven, and the precise timing of conversation didn’t matter nearly as much.
I am rarely ever alone. Even when I’m physically by myself, my phone is next to me and visible. I’m reading blogs or articles or chatting online. I love books, but it’s more isolating than the internet, so I spend less time reading than I used to. When I was a child, and less practiced at interactions, I needed that escape. I needed people around me that weren’t watching me, but I was still allowed to be a part of their stories.
Now I’ve settled into or smoothed out my corners and I want human contact most of the time. Blogging has been incredibly frustrating for me in this respect. I have so much I want to say, but none of it lays out in a blog-friendly format. I love to read what other people write, but trying to get it down into words leaves me stumbling and stuttering.
To this end, I am starting a podcast. I find myself able to speak more clearly than I write and more comfortably. My sister, Xylia, will be joining me to discuss our practice, our theology, and anything that catches our interest. The podcast is called Pagan’s Progress and the first episode will be available after I learn how to edit audio files.