Fallow times are really hard for me, I say as I continue through my first and (so far) only fallow time. I’m always hunting for what I’m “supposed to be doing” and fallow times leave me with less guidance than I’m used to. I feel weirdly harried today, like there’s something I’m supposed to be doing but I’m not, but there are so many loose threads in my life that it’s hard to pick out which one is being tugged at.
Overall, it’s a strange note to end October on, as this was the #MonthOfGift. The physical gifts I was looking forward to arrived (some of them), but nothing immediately springs to mind as The Gift significant enough to warrant the card. Rumblings have come around with regards to my husband’s job prospects, so there may be some seeds planted on that front.
In my shadow work, I feel like an amateur archaeologist unearthing bits and bobs and having no idea what’s valuable and what’s been dumped by campers several years ago. If I’ve found something significant, it hasn’t registered yet.
Right on time, though, is November’s card: Transformation. I’ve been working hard this year to understand myself, my role in the world, and what my goals should be. I’m really hoping that November will bring the sudden revelation. I don’t mind hard work, but I need to know that I’m moving in the right direction or else I lose my sense of purpose.
The thing about a transformation is you can’t really know what’s on the other side of it, so I won’t try to predict what this transformation will look like. I just know that I’ll welcome it as forward progress on my path. I will also try to see all of my choices and developments as steps forward, instead of worrying about whether they actually are or not.